*sees the oh-so-many replies* O_o;

Uhm...Ooookay.....Hadn't I just said that....? ..er...never mind.

Anyway, Seriously. Im fine. Got that? FINE.Uh...nope, not pissed or annoyed here. Just wanted to let everyone clear that Im FINE now.

Oh and :

- Im telling my friends me emotional pains now (as all of you clearly wanted me to do)
- I DON'T (Please take note of the don't) hurt myself anymore. When I have problems and stuff, I just cry for a looong hard time, and you know, I feel better after that. Skips the suicide thing.
- And all those crap...

Thanks a LOT for everything and ....mmm....Yeah....Well...

Ahahahahahaha!^^

Whoah...is slashing a wrist really that much of a big thing now? As I said, I DON'T do it anymore,k? So all of you need to relax...I appreciate your concerns though ^^ Really, I do. Thankies.

I know that Im not alone. I know that there are worse cases than mine so....ok...I think I just lost the point of what Im about to say....hm...-_-;....
Oh yeah! Okay. Got it back. Anyway, I feel a LOT better with all your comments and stuff. I just typed this thing in coz I wanted to just let it all out. Coz if I don't, then, I won't be able to stop myself from causing pain again, w/c all of you keep saying is a bad thing.

I can't say this to our school counselor or a doctor or a whatever you suggest,guys, because their just bound to tell my parents anyway. Or somebody. I don't know. It's just...reeeeaaaallly hard for me to trust.

Mmmmm...but Im okay. Honestly,I am. ^^

Sure, their will be times that I'd go crazy again but I can handle myself now.
I felt that it was stupid to do that since what good does committing suicide will do when it only causes you well.....it just really makes me so itchy...>>;....I mean, my problems would still be as it is before,right? So I just have to keep on going. Coz I understand now that pain is a part of life. And that I'll never be actually alone. As well as, even if everything may seem like the end or something, it's not, coz God would never give us a trial or a problem that he knows we cannot solve.

Near to ending this, I just want to thank you all again!^^ Tacke care, all of you, ok? I love you guys!*waves goodbye*

Quote by nasastarHehe, interesting question though... but how can anybody prove if their there or not? Many ppl are pulling hoaxes all over and well, science mostly have proved crop circles and what not... I can't say that they exist but maybe they don't?

Lol. Crop circles? I thought they were just man-made to attract people and foreigners?
You should see more about that in Discovery...or was it National...Yeah. It was Discovery that explained those so called "Strange phenomena" that are happening there.

To think that we're the only living creatures out here is kind of...narrow-minded, don't you think?

Aw....so many replies...*sniff*^^ Oh it's Valentine's day here so...uh...Advanced/Belated Happy Valentine's Day!^^

Okay. Continuing. I can't tell this to my 'rents. They're....
Well...as I said, it's hard for me to talk to someone. My parents...they'll...let's just say that their somehow involve in what I've been going through...very bad idea if Im gonna talk to them...

Xhidst...we're exactly the same!^^ Im like that too! How I always tell my friends and everybody that Im ok. But Im not. You all know that by now.

For some weird reason...the people in my past? Yeah. Them. Well....instead of being angry with them or whatever? I actually want to make peace. I don't want anymore of this...blagh...

A girl back in my first year said that I was too nice. And that just pissed them off. Another one said that she hated me because I was more "prettier" than her. Lol. I never even cared for my looks back then. Well...those reasons caught me off guard..^^;
Shallow....

Is it so bad to stand out? So bad for me to be more noticed than them? So bad to be nice? I don't understand. Everything I do always seem so wrong. Even my friends misundertand me when I want to be alone with myself. When I have no time to listen to their problems. They misintrepret them that I just don't care. Then they begin to think Im selfish.

It's just...I don't want to be burdened by all of their whines anymore. They always go to me when they need advices. The more they tell, the more I crumble inside. Their problems become my problems too. I place a higher value on my friends than my life. I tend to think about others more than myself.I try to fix my problems first but I go on and continue to help with their problems instead.

Im not insane. Im sometimes depressed but..I'll be okay. ^^
I hope. Is it wrong for you to suddenyl daydream suicidal actions? (Ex: Jump of the building,etc) Er...don't worry. They're ONLY going to be in my head.^^;

Yes, The sixth sense exist. I should know. Im one of the "gifted" persons.

Anyway. Some of the above are true. I had one experience where I there I was, inside my classroom, with my head totally blank, when I suddenly saw a "vision" of my sister getting money from my bag. I didn't even know why I thought of that at the moment. So I erased it quickly. When I got back from home, my sister asked me wether she can have the money she found at my bag! Creepy,eh?

I see spirits too. But it actually takes me a while before my brain registers that what Im seeing is someone or something from the "other side". Er...Sorry...but Im dense.

So...there you have it...oh and...when Im hungry and I really want this type of food? Yeah, it always turns out that Im gonna have that one for lunch. Or I always seem to know where the tiny red ball would be once it's hidden inside the three cups. Or how I'd always beat my opponents in rock,paper,scissors when I just find my hand doing things on it's own. No joke. Like how Im going to think I'd use Scissors? It always turns out to be rock or paper. Like it changes at the last minute. oOOH......^^;
How bout this? I saw the picture of the girlfriend of my clasmate. I was supposed to ask whether they just met or whatever but instead of saying those things, I blurted out, " What? A childhood friend?" And it turned out that I was correct!

I dream of people too. Another example was when I saw the girl that I dreamed about a month after in my school! Whoah..O.o...

Angels....hm.....

Lets see....What kind of Angels are we talking about? There are a lot of angels out there. Some of them appear as your parents, your friends and even disguised as a person just passing by your life.

Point is, whether we're talking of these kinds of Angels or the Angels "Angels", their just there. Guiding us. Protecting us from the so called "evil". What more do you want?

Im not saying that aliens exist. Nor that the possibility of them actually existing is impossible. Expect the Unexpected. Dragons are real. Yes. They're real. It's even in Discovery Channel. So why can't aliens be?

As someone replied, " The universe is a really big place". And we don't really know what's "out there" do we?As to the one's who clamied of being abducted and all that blagh....As I said...there are chances. Somebody said that all those people are just retards. Uhm...I have no comment on that one....

There are actually many things that the U.S. government is hiding from us. Like Area 51 or cloning and all those other stuff that we might've thought impossible. So...chances of them actually watching us?..er...kinda creepy....

Artists creates beautiful paintings where we can see how they see the world we live in. Authors creates their own world in the novels and stories that they make.

But what about us? God created us. He created the world. At least that's what the bible says. What about God though? Who created him? Where did he come from? How did "everything" actually happen?

Then there's the Big Bang Theory in Science. If we follow this theory, then there is no God. Is that right?

Have you ever read the Da Vinci Code? What's up with that? As if we didn't have enough to confuse ourselves already. What is our "purpose"?Why do we live?

In the bible, it is said that God created Adam and Eve. But what about all those dinasours? That dragon in Discovery channel? (Yes. They DO exist) What's the real "beginning"?

What about that book called, "Sophie's World"? The one about Philosophy. The first question in the first chapter. "Who are you?"
Of course, you're "you". But really, who are you? Who am I?Why is there death?

Second chapter. I think. It said, "we are floating in space". Which is true. And yet we don't seem so bothered by it for ome reason. As if the fact that gravity holds us down seems to satisfy our minds already that we don't bother to feel any emotion with the answer. As if we are content that as long as God "loves" us. God is "watching" us. He would never let anything bad happen.

Something happened in the Bible though. The whole world was flooded with water.

Do you see where Im getting at? Am I relying on facts and books too much?

erm...*sees Suicide-Demon's reply*...okay....^^;

Anyway,If you are in any religious group such as Y.F.C (Youth For Christ) or whichever, you'd hear them saying that God is Love.

I have no idea why I just said that...It's far from my point actually. Continuing. We cannot really conclude that hell exists nor that it doesn't. For neither of us really knows. I mean, for one thing, there's the "appearances" of a "demon" believed to be "Lucifer". There are spirits and people have proven them through the "gifted ones" by communicating in the other "world". If these things exist, then Hell MIGHT exist too,right? They just can't be floating around.

Next, Yes, God has created the world. But "Satan" might also have the power to "create" a place where he and he's followers or fellow demons can be. Just because it is said that we will "go down" to hell doesn't mean that "hell" is literally down there in our world. Like how we say that we will "go up" to heaven doesn't mean that it's up in the skies.

Like I said. Nobody really knows.Even if the government knows all the secrets of the world in their files, it's impossible to find the answer to this thread inside them. It's all about faith. I think.

True. Your friend isn't it love.

Your friend just....maybe...liked what she saw in him. He's eyes, hair,appearance and the usual blagh. Why don't you suggest to make her know him a lil bit better than for her to hope and wish that he'd amke a move? Won't you feel concerned that she may have fallen for...well....somebody that doesn't really suit her?Of course you will.She's your friend.

Aw...thanks for worrying. It IS best to keep away,isn't it? I just have to get over him. That simple. ...or...er...not.-_-;

Small hope....path that might end up in pain...all in all, it's the same thing. There IS another guy...but Im too attached to "Brad"...

I talked to him again. It was nothing sweet. The usual conversation. I was the one who kept bringing things up.

There's still nopoint in letting go of the wish that he'd dance with me. Coz that hope would just return again and again. I won't shed a tear for him though. Not that much.

That's nice ^^.

But I think you're all forgetting Im a girl, so enough with the violent talk. Please. It's getting to my head and people won't really like that. It's nice that the both of you are willing to listen. Actually, Im so embarassed for even bringing this up. But I guess something inside me just wants to feel that other people actually care.

It's funny, isn't it? I can easily say this to all of you. Strangers or would- be friends. I can't even say these to the "friends" I have around me.

Erm...um...lol.No.Sorry. Im not serious with school.

But I always pass my grades at the third and fourth quester so it's ok. Lol. I catch up eventually.Oooh...Im a bad girl..><

lol. Yeah,Im from the Phil. Er...is that bad?

Hm...Rituel...yes. You are lucky. Unfortunately, I haven't found that person yet. I can never beat someone up since Im a girl. ^^; Though...the thought of beating someone up? Hm...that's interesting...it's in my mind...but I won't do it. It WOULD feel better if I could just inflict pain back....er...except Im not a crazy lil girl like them.

They hate me coz Im me. They laugh at me coz Im different. I laugh at them for being ordinary. Im sick of them for being such pathetic little attention seekers who thinks they're higher than others. Oooh...if only they knew the witch inside me...

WingPilot....It's not a weakness...at least, for me it isn't. Weakness....I don't show them my weakness...I act that I don't care in front of them. But once I return home...God, Im in such a horrible state. Sometimes words hurt more than the physical pain. So you can't really tell me to ignore them. Especially when you haven't done anything at all. I hurt myself not because of what they do. I hurt myself because of what I am.Kinda like self-anger. Lol. Is there such a word?!

Anyway. I don't slash my wirsts anymore. It damn itches for some reason.And I got thinking that killing myself or showing suicidal actions won't change my problems. It'll just make me worse. I restrain myself if Im tempted.

Of course we have free will. We choose whether we want to stay or not right?We choose to live. God has no power (If you're still stuck in your theory) over our lives. Yes, he knows what will happen to us but he does not interfere with it. Example, you want to die. It's not like he's going to just show up and stop you. Or something like that.

It all depends on us. He just leads us. Guides us. Occassionally helping here and there...but, you know. We can change our "destiny" or "fate" by our actions. By what we do. Kinda like....the movie called Final Destination. They changed their fate in the end, didn't they? They we're all supposed to die but they didn't. Because they did something about it.

I don't know myself anymore. Im not schizo. Im just really...confusing. I don't know what I want. Im not in any group or whatever. I live because I know that I have to. I do things I know is right.
I take time to listen to the problems of my friends and comfort them. When I was in elementary, I wasn't exactly liked. For whatreason? I don't know. But all they're teasin, they're back-stabbing,...I never fought them. All the pain other people had inflicted on me...I just kept it all to myself.

All my problems, my thoughts,...what I want, I keep them all to myself. Because it's hard for me to open up to other people. I can't trust. I tell people I trust them. But inside, I can't. I want to, but they always do something to break my faith. Im broken. I want to cry but I can't. I feel like I have no more tears to shed. So I smile. But inside...it hurts so much...and If I keep listening..If Im pressured to much...I might just crack and it scares me. I slashed my wrists already. It was nice. The blood was beautiful.

....See? I scare myself. I say something and then regret it later. I keep lying to everybody. Including me. I can't tell other people to shove off for a while because I know it's wrong. Especially when they really need me. Im taking in everything they're sayin. Their problems become my problems. I feel their pain so easily. Im empathetic. And I hate it.

Im too...soft hearted/weak/kind...I know. But what can I do?I just keep it all inside.

....This is weird...

There IS a reason to live you know. You live because of your friends. You live for the love of your family and the people around you. You're alive because you love your girl/boyfriend dearly. Freedom or not, you just can't end your life because things don't go your way. And that's just shallow of you if you do. What's the point of killing yourself? Would it make matters better for you?No. Even in death, we'd still suffer pain. The spirits? Yeah. They regret what they did later on.

You can't say that the above is untrue. Coz if you won't feel regret, guilt,or any emotion when you see whomever crying their hearts out in your funeral, then, God, what are you? There is NO such person who is like that. If you only live because you live, then how dull can your life possibly be?
Enough said. Proven my point. Bai bai ^^

Oh...so you think that I should just give up on him then? Yeah. That's a good solution. Except...whenever I tell myself to forget about him, he always keeps popping out of nowhere!><! I feel like my crush on him is being mocked. Like God or whoever still wants me to be crazy about him and I hate it.

He's a really good friend and it's true that everything might change once I go out with him. If he ever becomes my boyfriend who'll turn into an ex...I usually don't ..or I NEVER talk to my ex's...I don't want to risk our good friendship but...there's a part of me who wants to go further and it's prettystubborn actually.

Maybe it IS just infatuation...maybe....I DO know that it'll hurt for me to hear him say that the girl is his girlfriend already....I'd be supportive of him,of course. Heck, I'd even be friends with the girl. Except...all those smiles I'd be making in front of them...just lies....

I think that's better though. Not to go and break their relationship like the other...er....crazy girls out there. At least we'd still be friends if they might break-up,right? I won't be the reason of what might happen...

Oh and, * gives big home-made cookies to the both of them* thank you!^^

Welcome to the dark side. I'll give you virtual cookies for giving this lil prob of mine some time ^^

Okay. Where to start? I met this guy, who we shall call "Bradly", whose younger than me by only a year. He's really good-looking and he even has fans from the elementary department!><! I never really thought of him that much when one day, I suddenly wanted to attract he's attention!
We get along fine and we play with each other a lot every time we see each other at the corridors/hallway (play: tickle each other, mess up the hair, etc.). It was like a greeting from the both of us.

Except..there's this girl that he already liked outside of the school. She's really pretty. Anyway, he's not exactly...well...he's a bit immature, but what the heck? I love him that way. The sad part is, I can't seem to have a normal conversation with him. I like this guy Sooo much that I even go far as to glomp him. He's okay with it though. He just laughs and says, "Ah, no! The horror...the horror.."

lol. See? He's fun. Anyway, last night, I asked him whether he already gave any thing for this girl since Valentine's was near. he said he did and she gave him a goodbye kiss. He sounded casual though. Or didn't he? It was in YM so I don't really know. He said that all girls do that to him and said it like it was only a throw-away answer. Then he suddenly went serious(I think) and asked me whether I really liked this friend that he had. ( Everybody in school thought I had a crush on his friend because of what I did...W/c I don't!) So I sent him a message with capital words saying that I NEVER liked his friend! So he was all,okay, and etc. ( Was that a throw away question too? Or did he really want to know but made it sound like one?)

Continuing, I was at the point of asking him whether he was going to ask somebody to our prom (W/c would be at Feb.24) when he sadly had to go!*cries*

So my question is this. Is he worth it? I reaaaallllly like him. In fact, I think Im even gonna wear he's school blazer tomorrow. ( He NEVER minds when girls steal it from him!.><!) He's also a two-timer by the way. Im confused. Is he interested or what? He's younger than me !><! Is that okay?!It's just so painful that the year Im finally close to him is the year that Im going to leave school....*sniff*

I agree with everybody? After all, what's to lose? If he doesn't remember you or just thinks that you're just some random crazy girl who would most probably waste his time, then why bother? But if he really is the one, then go and glomp him, I'll be cheering for you!^^
Yes. Take it easy. Relax. If you two had such awesome company with each other, then Im sure he'd just laugh playfully at any mistake you might commit.